curiouser and curiouser.

More images at Flickr

It's funny how quickly things can change. Non?

Last weekend was bordering on miserable; this weekend was close to heaven.

Yesterday I went to the 15th Annual Alice in Wonderland Festival. It was magical. I love Trout Lake. Jen and I want to go back there soon and take more photographs. I think between the two of us we shot at least 700 frames in the span of a couple hours.

And afterwards I had a dreamy evening, consisting of a stroll along the seawall, Smarties at the Lagoon, Vera's Burgers, and the swings at Second Beach.

Now if only the sunshine would return to make life that much more wonderful.

gold dust.

It has been a long while since I've felt so off balance.

I said to Danielle this morning, "Everything in my life is so out of control." Her clever response: "Or everything in your life is moving towards being in control."

And that's probably true. With all my things in boxes, with so many things up in the air, with worries about money and time and relationships, I am re-evaluating. I will make decisions. It is one of those turning points. I will get through this and come out on top.

It's just that when you're in it, it feels like you're drowning. Thank goodness I know how to swim.

good news for people who love bad news.

Day 27 - Almost a whole month!

This weekend was full of good news. The most important? My sister got engaged! I am very excited for her! She asked me to be her maid of honour and my brother will be the other "bridesmaid".

My parents have put in an offer on a home in Saskatoon and if all goes well, they'll move in at the end of July and my childhood home will be owned by another family mid-month. It's pretty weird to think that I'll never go back there. It's a whole lot more emotional than I expected. Here's a photo of my dad and I standing where the house would be built. This was in 1982. Looking at this photo is bringing tears to my eyes.

I moved most of my things over to the new apartment today. I love it there. Last night we had a party (complete with impromptu Michael Jackson dance party) upstairs and we're having another in a few weeks. So fun. I have never been so excited to move! I guess I'm just happy to decorate the place and paint and make it my own.

I feel like this last week was hard and that I learned a lot about myself. Now I'm feeling more positive and a lot less stressed. Phewf.

sketchy.

I promised I'd post some pages from my sketchbook so here are a few recent entries. (Click to enlarge.)

I've been writing a lot more than sketching, as you can see. I go through phases. Sometimes I record mostly images, other times, just thoughts. It helps to put these things down on paper. My brain is a big tangle most of the time.

daydream believer.

Three weeks in. Still going strong.

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."
- Anatole France

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."
- Will Rogers

We are not here for very long.

Why are so many of us making excuses to not do the things we want to do? Why are we avoiding experiences that will make us grow and stretch?

I am constantly frustrated by the idea that so many of us are giving up. Everyday, just giving up on ourselves and our potential. Giving up on love. Giving up on happiness with self-sabotage and all of that bullshit. We sure like our bullshit.

Come on, people. Let's go beyond. Let's be more. Let's believe!

au courant.

On my mind:

1. Coney Island.
   I want to go there next summer. I love amusement parks. I guess that means I'll finally see New York City as well.
   
   
   
2. Audrey Hepburn.
   I'm reading What Would Audrey Do? right now - it's an easy, entertaining read which seems to drive home the point that celebrities had a lot more class back in the day.
   
   
   
3. The future.
   I went through a mini existential crisis this weekend. I felt panic in the pit of my belly the whole few days. I felt unsure about everything. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Perhaps this is dramatic, perhaps it was simply a reaction to the sale of my childhood home, perhaps it's a delayed response to the massive change that has hit my life in the last few months. Whatever the case, it has me thinking deeply of my future and questioning EVERYTHING. How dull.
   

sometimes i still do.

Yesterday's self-portrait was sort of inspired by "Olympia", painted by Manet in 1863. I was reminded of my art history class a few summers ago. I really love art history. I remember my prof talking about the woman's confrontational gaze in this image. What's really interesting is that the model, Victorine Meurent, was actually quite a talented painter herself.

* * *

Sometimes I do.

Still think of you, that is.
Impressions, thumbprints in ink pushed onto paper:
stained, marked, identified.
A heart so tethered
to the past, to change, to youth.

ain't workin' for free.

This video is a commentary on how designers/artists tend to get treated by clients, more than you'd believe.

In the last few days, in fact, I've been asked to do a number of jobs for free (or next-to-nothing). In the past, I have been too nice and agreed to help out but I'm tired of being poor. I'm tired of being taken advantage of. Is it because my line of work is considered "fun" that I should be expected to take on work like this for no pay? I don't think you would spend 8 hours at your job and not be paid and feel like the person who suggested that you do so was doing you a favour.

I feel sick today and spent most of the afternoon in bed. That's two days in a row of feeling like shit - mostly because I haven't been getting enough sleep. Arrghhhhh. I hope tonight is restful.

scatterbrain.

"I want the concentration and the romance, and the worlds all glued together, fused, glowing."
- Virginia Wolff

“It is my art. I am better at it than I ever was. And I will do it as long as I can. When you reach a certain age you can slough off what is unnecessary and concentrate on what is. And why not?
- Arthur Miller

I can't concentrate.

There is not just one distraction; there are countless. They seemingly multiply and divide like cancerous cells, washing over me like tiny but determined waterfalls.

I am confronted by my own failures, my lack of perseverence. I am wooed by get-rich-quick schemes, beach days, full glasses of wine. I am startled by the passing of time.

lucky.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

These days I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

The wedding was amazingly fun and I think we did a great job. The guests and the location were fantastic! It couldn't have been more ideal for a first-time wedding shoot. The experience has changed how I feel about weddings - I used to despise them. It's so different when you're helping to document it for these people who love each other so much.

Today was a great day as well - I spent some time with the people I love the most. Had brunch at Stella's patio on Cambie and then enjoyed a picnic at Jericho Beach with a crowd I hadn't seen in awhile; an afternoon of sun, veggie dogs, good conversation, and plenty of dirty jokes.

Little August was born a few days ago and he's gorgeous. That's two healthy babies born in less than two weeks. Two new tiny miracles.

So many little miracles happen everyday.